🚗 Will VBA Die? A Satirical Journey Through the Land of Nowhere, Guided by UltraSet™

By Hiran de Silva

In the strange and swirling carnival that is LinkedIn, one recurring act continues to draw a crowd: “Is VBA dead?” The question appears with such religious frequency, it may as well have its own liturgical calendar. This time, it came dressed in the usual robes — a LinkedIn post proclaiming the inevitable extinction of VBA, with flashy mentions of Power Query, Python, LAMBDA functions, Office Scripts, Power Automate, and possibly incense and chanting for extra flair.

Naturally, I entered the thread with what I assumed would be a clarifying intervention. Something so calm, so well-grounded, so final, it would settle the matter entirely. A mic drop in comment form.

I explained: VBA exists to manipulate Excel’s internal objects — the building blocks of the software, built using the COM (Component Object Model). This is not a quaint historical detail; it’s the bedrock. VBA is not just some crusty old macro recorder — it is the only language designed specifically to let users control everything in Excel, directly, efficiently, and with full integration.

So I dropped this gold nugget into the comments section…

…and it sank. Silently. No splash. No ripples. Just sank into the algorithmic sandpit while everyone else was doing a foxtrot on the surface, squealing over Office Scripts.

One brave soul replied, sort of. He said something along the lines of: “You’re an outlier. Everyone else is talking about something else. Therefore, you’re not relevant.”

Oh really?

And so, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the absurdist sketch that this situation demands. Let’s call it:

“The Future of Navigation: UltraSet™”

Me: “So, you’re saying UltraSet™ is the revolutionary alternative to Sat Nav?”

Promoter: “Absolutely! It’s the future. Sat Nav is dead.”

Me: “Okay. So I need to get from here to my destination. Can you show me how UltraSet™ will help?”

Promoter: “…What do you mean by destination?”

Me: “Er… destination? You know, where I want to go?”

Promoter: “Nobody’s talking about destinations anymore. Everyone’s talking about UltraSet™ and all the cool features it has. Destination talk is passé.”

Me: “But the whole point of Sat Nav is to get you from where you are to where you want to be!”

Promoter: “That’s just your perspective. You’re an outlier. The rest of us are here to vibe with each other about how cool UltraSet™ is. It doesn’t matter if it gets you anywhere. Or doesn’t.”

Me: “Right. So what does it actually do?”

Promoter: “It confirms your current location with incredible accuracy. And then — wait for it — it helps you stay exactly where you are. Isn’t that amazing?”

Me: “So it’s not a navigation system at all. It’s a… localisation enforcer?”

Promoter: “Exactly. Our data shows that many users are happiest where they are. UltraSet™ is for those noble souls who refuse to be corrupted by so-called ‘progress.’”

Me: “You’ve built a navigation system for people who don’t want to go anywhere?”

Promoter: “Correct. It’s visionary.”

And this, my friends, is how you parody the modern conversation around VBA.

Back to VBA

The real joke, of course, is that this is what the anti-VBA movement sounds like.

We have people loudly declaring that VBA is obsolete, without understanding what it’s for. They parade trendy alternatives that do other things — often quite well — but none of them replace VBA’s core function: manipulating Excel’s object model. And yet, when you point this out, you’re accused of being off-topic.

Apparently, the purpose of the thing no longer matters. What matters is buzz. It’s like replacing a car’s engine with scented candles because they’re trending on Instagram.

The Colin Wall Doctrine: Stay Put

This isn’t new. In 2023, during another legendary thread, Colin Wall of Anaplan dropped a philosophical bombshell:

“Our customers don’t want to go anywhere else. They’re happy where they are.”

Bravo. I nearly wept. Because if that’s your market, then sure — your UltraSet™ system is ideal. Don’t show them where they could go. Don’t empower them to move. Just make sure they stay safe and stationary in the warm glow of non-threatening stagnation.

And, in that light, maybe Paul Barnhurst and his disciples are right. VBA doesn’t belong in a world where progress is defined by not going anywhere. A world where “destination” is a dirty word.

Conclusion: Long Live Sat Nav (and VBA)

If you found this funny — good. Laughter is needed. Because underneath the absurdity is a genuine problem: people are being sold alternatives to VBA without understanding what VBA is. Not because it’s hard to understand, but because it’s not trending on social media.

So yes, we need real conversations — or failing that, more satire.

Next time someone asks “Will VBA die?” tell them:

“Only if people stop wanting to go anywhere.”

Otherwise, buckle up. Plug in your VBA-powered Sat Nav. And let’s get moving.

Hiran de Silva
Founder, Satirical Sat Nav Systems Inc.
Where staying put is not the roadmap.